If you’re a writer, odds are your bookmarks and search history (or portions of your bookshelf, like mine over there) are fairly entertaining/educational/horrifying. I spent a year doing freelance work for an educational publisher and ended up with all these bookmarks about national parks, bees, sneakerheads, beaver dams, certain holidays, ranches, service vacations, pollution, specific athletes, and more. It made me look like I was deeply curious about an awful lot of things–and I am.

Here, for your enjoyment, are two screenshots of the bookmarked sites that I used while researching the novel I recently completed. Not concerning at all, right? Oh, the joy of research!

“There are three things we cry for in life: things that are lost, things that are found, and things that are magnificent.” –Douglas Coupland, Girlfriend in a Coma

 

The passage of time is the weirdest.

It has been nearly 12 years since Matthew and I moved from Boston. 14 years since I graduated from Simmons. 15 years since we got married there. The years pile up and I think, wait, what? Everything somehow feels like both just yesterday and also so impossibly long ago. As my friend Seth is fond of saying, “Linear time is the worst thing to ever happen to me.”

Callum and I went to Boston last week for his spring break. He’d been there before, but something about it being just a “mom and Cal” trip made it feel really strange. Here we were doing all of the same things that Matthew and I did—going to the same places, walking the same routes, passing our old neighborhoods—only now I was doing all of this with my 5^th grader. We went to the Barnes & Noble in the Prudential that Matthew helped open and then managed. We went to The Children’s Book Shop where I worked the whole time we lived in Boston. We hung out with so many wonderful Simmons friends. In so many ways, it felt like I never left. But of course, I did leave. And so much time has passed. So much life has happened.

The Boston Years were the best years of my life. I loved graduate school. I made some of the very best friends I will ever have. I adored my job. That city will always be where my heart feels most at home. To be there with Callum, and watch him run around the city, feeling completely comfortable darting on and off of trains, and bantering with our friends, made me so happy. I loved watching him interact with my Simmons friends, with my book shop coworkers, with my favorite professor, with Twitter friends, and with my friends’ children. It made it feel like all the timelines were collapsed on each other—like it was the past and the present and the future all at once (it’s never too early to start leaning hard on the idea of him going to college somewhere in or near Boston, right?).

The Boston Years and everything that went with them will always be the thing I lost, the thing I am so grateful to be able to find over and over again when I visit, and, because of that fact, the thing that is magnificent. I love my friends. I love the city. I love showing my kid this part of my life, these people and this place that were and are so desperately important to me. As I do at the end of every trip, I cried when I left. But as sad as I was to leave, as much as I instantly missed everyone and everything, I was glad for us to get home to Matthew, to our dogs, to our home, to our life. It’s no Boston, but it’s still pretty magnificent.

In my life, I am always doing one of four things: reading, writing, interacting with other humans, or listening to podcasts. The “why” to the first three is pretty obvious (correspondingly: obsession, obsession, and a begrudging acquiescence to societal expectation). The “why” to the fourth one is this: I like learning and I hate silence. HATE IT. Silence means a chance for my brain to be like, what do you want to think about? How about your to-do list? How about your insecurities? How about how terrifying parenting is and what if you’re screwing up your kid beyond all repair? HOW ABOUT THAT ONE TIME IN 1986 WHEN YOUR PANTS RIPPED AT SCHOOL AND YOUR DAD HAD TO COME GET YOU? HOW ABOUT THE FUTILITY OF LIFE? HOW ABOUT THE SOUND OF THE ENDLESS SCREAM OF ANXIETY?

I know. Why would I want to drown out all of that?

Things I do while listening to podcasts: clean, shop, drive, sleep, yard work, exercise, brush my teeth, pay bills, and literally everything else a person does while personing.

These are my go-to podcasts. If your brain likes to try to consume you alive when there is silence, maybe you need to build your podcast list. All descriptions from the podcasts’ websites.

Wait, Wait…Don’t Tell Me!

NPR’s weekly current events quiz. Have a laugh and test your news knowledge while figuring out what’s real and what we’ve made up.

 

2 Dope Queens

Join the 2 Dope Queens, Phoebe Robinson and Jessica Williams, along with their favorite comedians, for stories about sex, romance, race, hair journeys, living in New York, and Billy Joel. Plus a whole bunch of other s**t.

 

Historically Black

Objects hold history. They’re evocative of stories stamped in time. As part of The Washington Post’s coverage of the Smithsonian’s new National Museum of African American History and Culture, people submitted dozens of objects that make up their own lived experiences of black history, creating a “people’s museum” of personal objects, family photos and more.

The Historically Black podcast brings those objects and their stories to life through interviews, archival sound and music. The Washington Post and APM Reports are proud to collaborate in presenting these rich personal histories, along with hosts Keegan-Michael Key, Roxane Gay, Issa Rae and Another Round hosts Heben Nigatu and Tracy Clayton.

 

The Hilarious World of Depression

A show about clinical depression…with laughs? Well, yeah. Depression is an incredibly common and isolating disease experienced by millions, yet often stigmatized by society. The Hilarious World of Depression is a series of frank, moving, and, yes, funny conversations with top comedians who have dealt with this disease, hosted by veteran humorist and public radio host John Moe. Join guests such as Maria Bamford, Paul F. Tompkins, Andy Richter, and Jen Kirkman to learn how they’ve dealt with depression and managed to laugh along the way. If you have not met the disease personally, it’s almost certain that someone you know has, whether it’s a friend, family member, colleague, or neighbor. Depression is a vicious cycle of solitude and stigma that leaves people miserable and sometimes dead. Frankly, we’re not going to put up with that anymore. The Hilarious World of Depression is not medical treatment and should not be seen as a substitute for therapy or medication. But it is a chance to gain some insight, have a few laughs, and realize that people with depression are not alone and that together, we can all feel a bit better.

 

Maeve in America: Immigration IRL

With all this talk about wall building, bad hombres and refugees as Skittles, comedian Maeve Higgins is beyond ready to change the conversation around immigration. She’s traveled all the way here from Ireland to bring you funny, beautiful and sometimes maddening immigration stories, told by the people who’ve lived them.

 

TED Radio Hour

The TED Radio Hour is a journey through fascinating ideas: astonishing inventions, fresh approaches to old problems, new ways to think and create. Based on Talks given by riveting speakers on the world-renowned TED stage, each show is centered on a common theme – such as the source of happiness, crowd-sourcing innovation, power shifts, or inexplicable connections. The TED Radio Hour is hosted by Guy Raz, and is a co-production of NPR & TED.

 

Politically Re-Active with W. Kamau Bell and Hari Kondabolu

With the political circus of the 2016 presidential election heating up, you can laugh or you can cry. Choose to laugh. Comedians and longtime friends W. Kamau Bell and Hari Kondabolu have a shared curiosity about our political process and constantly changing electoral landscape. Whether it’s an interest in exposing the unjust or the absurd, you can count on Hari and Kamau to ask the important “why?” Why do we have super delegates? Why are people still having such trouble voting? Why was Joe the Plumber a thing? They’ll try to answer questions like those each and every week throughout the election.

 

Code Switch

Ever find yourself in a conversation about race and identity where you just get…stuck? Code Switch can help. We’re all journalists of color, and this isn’t just the work we do. It’s the lives we lead. Sometimes, we’ll make you laugh. Other times, you’ll get uncomfortable. But we’ll always be unflinchingly honest and empathetic. Come mix it up with us.

 

Embedded

Hosted by Kelly McEvers, Embedded takes a story from the news and goes deep. What does it feel like for a father in El Salvador to lie to his daughter about the bodies he saw in the street that day? What does it feel like for a nurse from rural Indiana to shoot up a powerful prescription opioid? Embedded (EMBD) takes you to where they’re happening.

 

Appointment Television

Appointment Television is a podcast about the TV you want to make time for. Every Thursday Margaret, Kathryn, and Andrew will revisit old shows, discover new ones, and debate everything from highbrow dramas to episodes of The Bachelor.

 

The Oral History Podcast

SEX & BOOKS: TWO THINGS THAT ARE BETTER WHEN YOU TALK ABOUT THEM. Hosted by YA writers Carrie Mesrobian and Christa Desir.

 

Judge John Hodgman

JUDGE JOHN HODGMAN is a weekly podcast in which I, John Hodgman, listen to real life disputes on issues such as:

-is chili a soup or a stew?

-is this room in my house called an “office” or a “den” or “a room full of junk.”

-when is it may someone else’s Chinese food be legally considered abandoned property?

-is it OK to rifle through the trash for prize coupons in a Canadian pizza parlor?

-is a machine gun a robot?

Then I tell the disputants who is right and who is wrong.

 

Bullseye with Jesse Thorn

Bullseye is a public radio show about what’s good in popular culture. With a keen editorial eye, Bullseye sifts the wheat from the chaff, and brings you hot culture picks, in-depth interviews with the most revered and revolutionary creative people and irreverent original comedy.

Bullseye is equal parts funny and fascinating. Whether you’re already plugged in to the culture map, or looking for a signpost, Bullseye will keep you on target.

 

Pop Culture Happy Hour

Pop Culture Happy Hour is a lively chat about books, movies, music, television, comics and pretty much anything else that strikes a nerve, all in a weekly roundtable from NPR. Features “Monkey See” blogger Linda Holmes and an occasionally rowdy cast of characters.

 

Radiolab

Radiolab, with Jad Abumrad and Robert Krulwich, is a radio show and podcast weaving stories and science into sound and music-rich documentaries

 

This American Life

There’s a theme to each episode of This American Life, and a variety of stories on that theme. Most of the stories are journalism, with an occasional comedy routine or essay. There’s lots more to the show, but it’s sort of hard to describe.

 

The Longest Shortest Time

The Longest Shortest Time is a bold, daring podcast about parenthood in all of its forms. But you don’t need to be a parent to listen. We tell stories about the surprises and absurdities of raising other humans—and being raised by them.

(Oh, and we were on this podcast!)

“Rob, thank you for that kind introduction. We’re no longer called Sonic Death Monkey. We’re on the verge of becoming Kathleen Turner Overdrive, but just for tonight, we are Barry Jive and his Uptown Five.”–High Fidelity

Probably the best choice I ever made was to go to Simmons for graduate school. I applied during my senior year of college, found out I was accepted the summer after I graduated (while living in England), then deferred a year to let my brain rest. Extremely Type A, I had worked myself into the ground during college, finishing my double major in 3.5 years. I worked for the next year as the kids’ section lead bookseller at B&N, before moving to Boston. Working at the bookstore is when I met my husband—but that’s a story for another day.

ANYWAY. Simmons was fab. It gave me an excellent education in children’s and YA literature, but, mostly importantly, it gave me the humans I now call some of my very best friends–Jess Quilty Auclair, Kristin Cashore, and Rebecca Rabinowitz. I turn to them for everything. Sometimes one of us has a thought that doesn’t get shared with the other 3, but it’s VERY RARE. Our email and text chains are prolific. (Witness my texts yesterday after 90 minutes of not checking my phone. They’re all from these three!)

The other day, I was curious to see a list of all of the fake bands we are in together, so I searched my email folder. I really need to work some of these into my next novel, as we are very good at coming up with band names. I will tell you that in the novel I’m currently writing, the main character’s mother was in a riot grrrl band in the 90s called The Taffy Sinclairs. I’d wear a tshirt for them. I’d wear a tshirt for all these. Later this week, I’m heading out to Boston to hang out with my pals for almost a week. It’ll be good to get the old band back together.

The following is the list of our amazing band names:

Accidental Muppets

Disco Bitchcakes

Knitted Uterus

Gym and the All Terrier Motives

Experimental Cuddling

Experimental Kissing

That One Time With the Beet

Teenage Becca and the Faux Pas Activities

Penis Christ

THE YURT TRANSPORTERS

W-2 ETF

The Thirteen Sweaters

Tiny Damn Broccoli

Vaguely Demonic

Cracklin’ Ears

Thieves with Enthusiasm

My Face Hurts

Naked in Southern New England

PUDC

I Always Hated Brenda Vladislav

I MADE THIS GODDAMN NECKLACE

BUILT THIS PUZZLE (ON ROCK AND ROLL)

Behold Our Vaginal Muscles, Rulers of the Universe

Swearing, Sex, and Snark

Everyone is Always an Asshole

Ethan and the Eyedrops

 

Are you in a fake band? Or a real band? Come over to Twitter and tell me your name!

On March 8, I was part of a panel that presented a webinar on Mental Health Representation In Young Adult Literature for the International Bipolar Foundation. Together with author Karen Fortunati, psychiatrist Dr. Frank Fortunati, and librarian Jaina Shaw, we talked about teen mental health statistics and why seeing compassionate and accurate representations of mental health issues in young adult books is so important. Our webinar has now been archived, so if you have a spare hour, and have anything at all to do with teenagers, you may want to check it out.

Mental health depiction in YA is one of my main interests and I never get tired of talking about it. If you’re interested in learning more about this topic, here are a few things I’ve worked on that you can check out:

• I presented on the importance of stories helping remove stigma, shame, and silence at NerdCon: Stories last year. Minneapolis station KARE 11 interviewed me about it. 

• Since 2016, we at Teen Librarian Toolbox have been running a Mental Health in YA Literature project (#MHYALit). This link will take you to the hub for our project, which so far has had well over 100 guest posts from authors, bloggers, librarians, and other teen advocates, often about our own mental health struggles and successes. Some of the more personal pieces I wrote are:

#MHYALit: Anxiety Disorder, My Son, and Me

Sunday Reflections: Mental health medications are not your enemy

#MHYALit: Talking about mental health-related books and issues with teens

#MHYALit Sunday Reflections: The hard work of getting help and getting better

• If you’re in Minnesota, you can come on May 6 to Teen Lit Con at Henry Sibley High School, 1897 Delaware Ave, Mendota Heights, MN. I will be presenting a breakout session, It’s Okay to Not be Okay: Mental Health in YA Lit, from 12-12:45. More information here.

When I write, I need silence. But when I sit and stare at my computer, thinking about what I want to write, I need music. Here’s what I was listening to while I wrote my novel.

What’s my novel about, you ask? Teenagers. Punk rock. Small towns. Religion. Kissing. Not kissing. A megalomaniac. Heartbreak. Being saved.

My thinking time was fueled often by the music of my youth. Go figure.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The part of me that enjoys watching bad thing unfold kicks around the idea of finding days in my teenage diary that correspond to a date and publishing what I wrote that day. Then I remember how semi-mortifying it was to, not too long ago, publish pieces of my teenage zines. And then I also remember that the bad thing I would be watching unfold would be both my current embarrassment and Past Amanda’s teenage horrors. Still… some part of me says, maybe. Someone should probably talk me out of this.

Today Edward Bear Dachshund-MacGregor and Bilbo Baggins Dachshund-MacGregor turn 13.

I told you I was maybe only going to write about my dogs on here.

Let me tell you a story.

Once upon a time (2004) in a land far, far away (Boston), I told Matthew it was time we got a dog. We’d moved from our small apartment right by Fenway Park to a slightly bigger apartment, with a yard, in Brighton. I was done with grad school. It was time. So we found a dachshund puppy online—a lovely little teeny tiny red dachshund.

Wait, red? you ask. Your dogs aren’t red.

That puppy failed to thrive and died. I was heartbroken. I came home from work one day soon after that and Matthew said he’d found a family whose dachshund had puppies. So off we went to see them. When we got there, a little black boy dachshund was rolling around outside in the dirt.

“We just bathed him!” the woman told us exasperatedly.

Inside the house, we were greeted by all of the other puppies and the parent dogs. The other little boy dachshund immediately glommed onto me. He sat with me. He pawed at me. He followed me into the bathroom. He seemed nice and big—after the little red dachshund dying, I was nervous about smaller dogs.

Meanwhile, the little runty boy dog, the one who’d been rolling in the dirt, came out from under the couch, dust bunnies all over him. Matthew instantly loved that hilarious little runt.

“He costs less,” the woman said. “He was the runt and has an extra toe.”

She left us alone to decide who would go home with us. We each had a dog we wanted. When she came back in the room, Matthew said, “How much for both of them?” She burst into tears, thrilled that the brothers would stay together.

I don’t have to tell you that one who was instantly loyal to me was Edward and the mischievous little weirdo was Billy, right?

And so they came home with us. Both dogs had to eat out of my hand; the bowls seemed to terrify them. Billy was too scared to cross thresholds, so we’d have to lift him up to move him from the kitchen to the hall. Edward, who came to us named Tippy (NO), caught on to most things quickly. Billy, who came to us named Billy (and after observing him for a bit, we thought, hmm, he’s charming, but he may have a hard time learning his new name), was a little slower. The boys were good company for each other. Matthew worked in the Pru running a Barnes & Noble and I was in Brookline Village at The Children’s Book Shop. Our days were sometimes long, but knowing the dogs had each other was nice. They’re good buddies to each other. They’ve never spent a night apart.

My dachshunds have now outlived the ones I grew up with, Ludwig and Gus. They have exceeded the average life span of a doxies (12 years, 7 months). What this means for Edward is he is slowly showing more signs of being deaf, of degenerative disc disease, and of arthritis in his hips. What this means for Billy is… well, Billy seems to have decide that these bonus months (and hopefully years) are just Billy Time. He’s become worse than ever. Drinking my coffee, repeatedly? Sure! Ambushing his brother and stealing toys right out of his mouth? Yep! Hoarding all of the best toys under the bed, where it’s hard for Edward to go? Of course! Any place is fair game for going potty? The baby gates I now use to block our dining room and sitting room indicate YES! BILLY TIME!

Someday there will only be one dachshund brother. Then none. Then I have to assume I will disintegrate in a pile of dust, desiccated from tears.

But that day is not today. Today, I celebrate my canine best friends (who, let’s be real, I like waaaay better than most people) who have been a constant source of comfort, entertainment, and joy. They’re now simultaneously moody teenagers and cantankerous old men. Lucky us.

No, really; lucky us.

 

Wednesday night the Trump administration withdrew protections for transgender students in public schools. I went to bed mad Wednesday, woke up mad Thursday, and wrote a blog post for Teen Librarian Toolbox with a list of books featuring trans kids and teens. Thursday I also bought a few middle grade and YA trans books to give away on Twitter to teachers and librarians. By Saturday night, through the generosity of donations from authors in the children’s lit community, I added 30 more books to those giveaways. Kristin Clark, Brie Spangler, MG Hennessey, Donna Gephart, and Ami Polonsky are helping make sure that middle grade and YA books with trans characters end up in schools and public libraries. As I told MG, I just feel so MAD and helpless and frustrated. I don’t know what to do, beyond love and support the trans kids I know, call government officials, and try to get books into the hands of those who most need them. I get bogged down in the horrors unfolding every day around us, but today I am feeling positive about how much GOOD there is still, especially in the children’s lit community. 

This is my new website. It’s nice, right? It’s still in the building phase, so things may change around, but for now, it gets the job done. You probably already know I can be found multiple times a week blogging over at Teen Librarian Toolbox. There, I mostly write book reviews, or about things directly related to YA lit, or coordinate guest posts. Here, it will be more random. I’m guessing I’ll write about my dogs, my extremely funny kid, YA stuff, random rants, whatever. I will probably not write a lot about my writing, because no one needs to read, “I wrote 10 pages, then deleted 9 pages, then went on Twitter and called it a day” over and over. For now, this super interesting post serves to just say, hi! I’m blogging!

Here, look at a picture of my dogs. They will tide you over until another post appears.