Fake band names

“Rob, thank you for that kind introduction. We’re no longer called Sonic Death Monkey. We’re on the verge of becoming Kathleen Turner Overdrive, but just for tonight, we are Barry Jive and his Uptown Five.”–High Fidelity

Probably the best choice I ever made was to go to Simmons for graduate school. I applied during my senior year of college, found out I was accepted the summer after I graduated (while living in England), then deferred a year to let my brain rest. Extremely Type A, I had worked myself into the ground during college, finishing my double major in 3.5 years. I worked for the next year as the kids’ section lead bookseller at B&N, before moving to Boston. Working at the bookstore is when I met my husband—but that’s a story for another day.

ANYWAY. Simmons was fab. It gave me an excellent education in children’s and YA literature, but, mostly importantly, it gave me the humans I now call some of my very best friends–Jess Quilty Auclair, Kristin Cashore, and Rebecca Rabinowitz. I turn to them for everything. Sometimes one of us has a thought that doesn’t get shared with the other 3, but it’s VERY RARE. Our email and text chains are prolific. (Witness my texts yesterday after 90 minutes of not checking my phone. They’re all from these three!)

The other day, I was curious to see a list of all of the fake bands we are in together, so I searched my email folder. I really need to work some of these into my next novel, as we are very good at coming up with band names. I will tell you that in the novel I’m currently writing, the main character’s mother was in a riot grrrl band in the 90s called The Taffy Sinclairs. I’d wear a tshirt for them. I’d wear a tshirt for all these. Later this week, I’m heading out to Boston to hang out with my pals for almost a week. It’ll be good to get the old band back together.

The following is the list of our amazing band names:

Accidental Muppets

Disco Bitchcakes

Knitted Uterus

Gym and the All Terrier Motives

Experimental Cuddling

Experimental Kissing

That One Time With the Beet

Teenage Becca and the Faux Pas Activities

Penis Christ



The Thirteen Sweaters

Tiny Damn Broccoli

Vaguely Demonic

Cracklin’ Ears

Thieves with Enthusiasm

My Face Hurts

Naked in Southern New England


I Always Hated Brenda Vladislav



Behold Our Vaginal Muscles, Rulers of the Universe

Swearing, Sex, and Snark

Everyone is Always an Asshole

Ethan and the Eyedrops


Are you in a fake band? Or a real band? Come over to Twitter and tell me your name!